The other day, though, I came across this "30 Things to Ask Your Spouse" pin. I clicked. That could be fun or interesting for us, I thought. Definitely more fun and interesting than the Scribblerians, amirite?
Seriously, this Satire class is killing me.
So, then I started reading the questions and guys—they were involved. List 20 random facts about myself? Five of my passions? Five greatest accomplishments? This would not be a good date night activity for the Whalens. Unless we could redefine the words "great" and "accomplishment." Or if we could replace "passions" with "potato chip flavors."
P.S. If you know the Whalens, you know that we talk so much that there is very little in the way of dream jobs, influences, and pet peeves that we don't already go over on at least a bi-weekly basis. It's a thing that happens when you don't have cable, or when your husband refuses to buy Netflix.
Then it hit me. You guys! I'm going to replace these 30 super hard, boring questions with a much shorter list of questions that I don't already know the answers to. Here goes:
30* Things to Ask your Spouse: Dork Edition
2. When was the last time you peed your pants just a little bit and why?
3. When was the last time you pooped your pants just a little bit and why?
4. (Going along with questions 3 and 4) When was the last time you had to throw away a pair of underwear and why?
5. If you could punch just one person, living or dead, square in the face—with no consequences—,who would it be?
6. When was the last time you got the giggles in an inappropriate setting like a meeting or a funeral? Were you reading a Liz Lemon tumblr at the time?
7. What do you think about when you have to keep a straight face but something really funny just happened?
8. Which of your siblings' girlfriends/boyfriends was your least favorite and why? Are they also the answer to number 5?
9. Describe an obstacle course you designed as a child. What sort of injury came to you, your friends, or your siblings as a result of this obstacle course?
10. When was the last time you faked sick? Puke, diarrhea, or other, and did you offer "proof"? If so, what did you make it out of?
11. Which fictional character would you be best friends with and why? And don't say Han Solo, because obviously.
12. What are your top three potato chip flavors?
14. What's the longest you ever went without taking a shower? (Camping doesn't count.)
15. What's the grossest thing you've ever smelled. Did you smell it on purpose?
That's all I can come up with now. Obviously, this list is not complete. I welcome and encourage additional questions if you can think of any.
I'm forcing Rob to go on a date with me tonight. I'll let you know how these go over. I have no doubt they'll go over better than "What is your dream job?" Duh. No job.
*Not actually 30. Who can go through 30 questions and answers without getting distract—hey look, a cricket in the house!