It's horrible. It's embarrassing. But I can't keep it to myself any longer. I need help. The thing is...
I think my dog is a racist.
Those of you who have met my dog know that there is almost nobody that Fritz doesn't love. I mean love. He loves people so hard that he thinks the only way he can express his feelings for them is by sitting on top of their collarbones and tasting the inside of their mouths. He gets so excited to see perfect strangers that his butt swings back and forth so hard, I'm afraid he might dislocate a hip. He is friendly to a fault. He has almost no concept of stranger danger. If we ever lose him, I'll just assume he went home from the dog park with, like, anyone else. Because he would.
Unless that person is of one particular race.
It's solicitor season, I guess. Recently, we've had a few young people come to the door and try to sell us magazine subscriptions. Rob mentioned to me that a couple of girls who came earlier this week made the mistake of ringing the doorbell and knocking on the door—two things that cause Fritz to go temporarily insane. In these instances, it's easy to chalk his bad behavior up to his surprise. He was awakened from a nap! Who wouldn't go totally street-rat crazy if they were roused from a dead sleep by a rattling storm door, right?
Today, there was no door-rattling or bell-ringing to blame it on. My dog just didn't care for the man who was on the other side of the door. Usually my dog just wants french kiss the person on the other side of the door, but today, it seemed like Fritz wanted to eat this man's face.
"If you're dog isn't barking, then he's not doing his job," said the very kind, very understanding solicitor while I grabbed the scruff of Fritz's neck and tried to get him to lie down and stop making hell-hound sounds.
I messaged Rob right away. "I'm worried Fritz is racist," I told him.
He wrote back: "hahaha."
But seriously, what if my dog is an A-hole? Slate wrote an interesting article on how I'm not crazy and how dog racism can be a real thing. But I still don't know what to do to make him stop barking like Cujo at any member of a particular ethnic subset. It's mortifying! And it's not a good look for him.
One commenter pointed out that maybe my dog just has a problem with solicitors. He definitely does, but his reaction to the other (white) solicitor who came that day seemed much less mentally deranged. And months ago, on a walk, he kept giving this poor man "warning barks" that did not seem like equal opportunity warning barks.
What to do?