Sunday, June 19, 2011

Grandpa Doc Dialogues: A Father's Day Post

Returning a call that he made to today me at "Fifteen fifteen".

Me: Hi, Grandpa Doc! Happy Father's day!

GD: Thanks, honey. Listen. I wanna give you guys a couple of guns.

Me: Oh...that's nice...!

GD: Yeah. I want you to go down to the police station, and tell the Lieutenant there that your Grandpa's an old soldier, and he's got a couple of hand guns he wants you to have. They're old, but they're in really good shape. You tell them that, too. Tell them your Grandpa's an old doctor in Palm Desert and he has a whole lot of guns.

Me: OK, Grandpa. That sounds good. Um. Which police station should I go to?

GD: Oh, any police station. There are a lot of them in Los Angeles. Listen, there's a lot of red tape. If you were in Nevada or Utah, there wouldn't be so much red tape. But I gotta tell you something—make sure you don't let the government know where any of your stuff is.

Me: Gotcha.

GD: Because they'll come and find it and they'll take it.

Me: Right.

GD: And especially make sure you don't put anything in the bank.

Me: Of Course.

GD: You've gotta put all of your money into silver and gold so it's safe. Do that.

Me: I will.

GD: Listen. Owning a gun is like getting married. You don't want to make a commitment until you've held it in your hands.

Me: Right.

GD: So I want you guys to come to the desert and take a look at these guns.

Me: Definitely. We'll give you a call. I know Rob is really excited about getting his hands on some firearms.

GD: Good, cause I've got a lot of guns. Love you, honey!

Me: Love you, too, Grandpa!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Finals Week

Every ten weeks or so, I palm my face repeatedly and wonder, why oh why in the name of David Foster Wallace do I do this to myself? Graduate school was supposed to make me smarter, but it is literally the dumbest thing I've ever done. Dumber than ditching school at Crossroads mall, the stomping ground of many a bored truancy officer. Dumber than gardening in a sports bra with no sunscreen.

I came across this video last night. It has all the answers. See if you can guess which kind of grad student I am.