Monday, April 25, 2011

Stray Cat Slut

What do you do when a cat (who used to wear a tag that said "Charlie," but has, for several weeks, been going commando) adopts you?

And makes of your welcome mat a hairy, messy cat's nest?

And cries at your door both day and night?

And rubs up against the legs of you, your husband, and all of your visitors, leaving behind a trail of sneezy, yellow fur?

And murders the innocent birds in your lemon tree?

And looks stupidly adorable when he stretches out in the sun after he's lapped up Rob's leftover cereal milk?

And then, let's say, that both you and your husband are allergic to this cute, slutty cat; that your husband is a cruel dictator who will not, under any circumstances, allow even the most homeless of cats refuge in your teeny apartment; and that your neighborhood is riddled with blood-thirsty, carnivorous raccoons and coyotes.

Then what?

3 comments:

Huff said...

I would say put a Costco size bottle of Claritin in his Easter Basket, but Easter has passed. Maybe leave it on the counter as a "Just Because" gift.

Rob said...

huff, you're on the right track. but it takes 2 24-hr Claritin-Ds, every day, for me to survive the Parkinsons. even costco doesn't have a costco-sized enough bottle for my costco-sized needs. besides! cat hair. everywhere! get me a lynx and i'll think about it.

Brit Warner said...

You take the cat to another neighborhood without raccoons and have a cat free home :)