Monday, January 10, 2011

Still not private.

My friends do that. Make their blogs private, I mean. Which is totally cool. If their kids are cute enough, I usually send them my e-mail address so I can still keep track of them in my anti-social way. Honestly, the Internet is the best thing that ever happened to my social life. It has allowed me to stay connected to people without, you know, expending any energy. It's tough. I have, literally, like a dozen friends and I'd hate to have to socialize with all of them regularly. Can you imagine the time commitment? The number of conversations I'd be having? I'd have to shower before dinnertime and put on a bra if I went down that road. Thanks to blogspot, I don't have to meet them for lunch or drop by their house or call them on the phone. I can just check in, usually during the time I've set aside for studying, grace them with my eternal wit by leaving a comment (if I'm feeling inspired), and get back to whatever I'm currently reading. Or eating.

My private friends live in a different world, though. They've got kids. And, as far as I understand it, kids come with really nice, expensive cameras and photography businesses. So with the kids come the pictures of the kids, and with the pictures of the kids come the weirdos. Then the weirdos leave weird comments and my friends' blogs disappear.

Here's my question, though: why don't the weirdos read my blog? I would love to open an inbox full of wacky comments! It would give me material for days! I bet the blogspot trolls are awesome. The way I see it, the Internet is nothing if not a portal straight into the minds and homes of the strangest people on the planet. I love that crap. Why do you think I watch "Celebrity Rehab" and "Hoarders"? On the Internet, no less!

So weirdos: if you're reading this, stop wasting your comments on my friends and their kids. They don't like it. Bring it over here. We need something to talk about over our Trader Joe's frozen dinners. It could be you! If it's pictures of kids you need, I can do that. I've got a park across the street. You just give me the word. In a comment.


amelia said...

I'm totally laughing...if I ever go private and you don't send me your e-mail address, I'll now have a complex over it. "My kid just wasn't cute enough for Gretta." Mostly I want to tell people "If you go private and no longer show up in my Google Reader, I'm no longer reading you."

Gretta said...

@amelia: the thing is, i read your blog because you're a good writer and you're funny and you're a girl after my own heart. the fact that your kid is adorable is a total bonus.

Alan said...


Cliff said...

Are you really gonna be a creepy person taking pictures of kids at the park?

boxpilot said...

i only want to see pictures of kids at the park if you are interacting with them as if they were your own kids. so, go ahead and think about how to make that happen. (kids you already know don't count)