Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Some fine dumbassery.

I have a skinny husband. He's skinny and tall and sometimes when I look at him, I think he looks like a kid all stretched out. Like Mike Teavee. He's skinny and has about 72 pairs of these Levi's that are comfortably loose on him and I have been curious from time to time as to how these Levi's would fit around my...rounder...parts. Why? I don't know. Probably because I'm tired of feeling so good about the way I look all the time. You know, like most girls do.

So I, being a glutton for never-ending shame that I apparently am, chose a random pair of Rob's jeans to try on one day after he left for work. Just to see how they looked. Or whether or not I could get them zipped.

To my utter amazement, I got them suckers zipped AND buttoned. Then, feeling a little more confident, I stuck my thumbs in the butt pockets to pull the jeans down to a comfortable hip level. I pulled, thinkingly optimistically that I'd maybe expanded my wardrobe, until I heard a really bad sound. A ripping sound. Like, a ripping through the butt of jeans sound. It was a reluctant rip; I could tell those little denim fibers were hanging on with everything they had, as if they knew what effect the their ripping might have on my self-esteem. But they tore anyway. They had no choice. There was just too much ass inside those jeans.

As cruel fate would have it, I had picked an unwieldy pair of Levi's for my ill-fated experiment. There had been a small, thread-bare section of material around the right back pocket. Hence the ripping.

So my butt busted through my husband's pants. And then I had to tell him before he came home and found them.

Happy Thanksgiving!

8 comments:

Jason Graham said...

I've determined that Rob's butt is actually concave vs normal people's convex butt. He has negative butt, so it's pointless to compare.

Love you both. Happy Thanksgiving. Maybe we can party later in December.

amelia said...

I love you Gretta. This brought the LOLs.

Amelia said...

Mom just said, "Rob DOES have no bottom. It must be hard for him to sit." Commence Millie laughing really hard.

justin said...

Large or small, we like them all.

boxpilot said...

hahaha! what, no pictures!?

Alex said...

This is the funniest thing I've read all week, and I read some funny crap. Hilarious.

Btw, you're beautiful and you don't need to worry about your bum.

Cliff said...

that's some pretty funny stuff right there

Brit Warner said...

that is awesome