Sunday, September 28, 2008

elite media jerks!! [updated link]

i couldn't believe how mean that Katie Couric was being to Village Council Chairwoman Sarah Palin. i was all, like, "back off her, harpy!" i mean, seriously! lay off!! she doesn't have to answer to you. who do you think you are?! that Sarah's an independent woman!

...but then at the end i figured out it was all a ruse, and that everything's okay.

God, bless America. ...but if we're stupid enough to elect this ticket into the executive branch, just go ahead and let Russia, China, S. Korea, Iran and Venezuela nuke us to oblivion, 'cause we're too stupid to deserve it anymore.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Friday Flummery

Reason number 37 that I want to move to England.

Face-Pulling Competition

It's called gurning. And it's fantastic.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


This was too funny for me to ignore:

Found it here.

Also, check out the science fair pics. Bravo, Dr. Monster! And God bless you!

Bad Aunt Gretta.

If you have children of reading age and they tend to be the nosy, peek-over-your-shoulder types—or even if they're sitting several feet behind you but maybe they have super hero vision—you're going to want to make them leave.

Are they gone?


I'm going to tell you something. I'm not proud of it. But it's one of those things that, if it hadn't been me, I'd be telling everyone because it's kind of hilarious once you get over the initial heart-breaking-ness of it all. So it's only fair.

Last weekend, I told my nephew there was no such thing as Santa Claus.

Not in so many words, of course. It wasn't
that bad. But I definitely didn't have the foresight or decency to pull him aside and murder his childhood privately and quietly. I just blurted it out:

"So when I found out about Santa, I said 'OK, so Santa's not real...what about Jesus?'" *

Several minutes after Cliff and my dad had already snatched that dream-crushing baton and started sprinting with it, my sister-in-law leaned over to me and said, "Aidan doesn't know that, yet...well...I guess he does now."

It was only my second strike. I'd already made the mistake of mentioning the fact that Rob bought me a sweater one Sunday when we were in Carlsbad, which prompted a hurried discussion of oxen and mires. But I guess things with kids are more like BASE jumping than baseball. You really only get one shot to get it right. And I blew it. Splat! Me, in pieces on the ground. Big, stupid, bloody chunks of child fantasy-killer.

We all realized the horror of my words at the same time, so no one could save me from myself. More unfortunately, no one could save Aidan from my hateful indulgence in the sad, Santa-less truth.

In an effort to make me feel better, Aidan's mom said, "It's OK, Gretta. I didn't even realize what you said until I looked up and saw the expression on his face."

I guess losing track of your Christian mythology is inevitable when your experience with children is limited to infants and Jewish kids.

*This comment may be addressed in a later post.

UPDATE: Kim (Aidan's mom) told Rob that she and Aidan were watching the Simpsons episode where Homer tries to capture Santa Claus, and she decided to probe a little. She asked him if he would ever try to catch Santa. "No way!" he said. "If I'm not asleep, he won't even come!"

Phew! Thank you, Jeebus. ;)

Saturday, September 13, 2008

You gotta give things a chance...

We saw this video linked up filmdrunk. I said, "Cat vs. Printer? Don't mind if I do!" Rob said, "No way, that's going to be lame." Then we watched it, and Rob laughed so violently that he produced no sound, only tears. Tears of emphatic joy for this surprisingly awesome cat video.

Without the incredible sound effects, this video would be a million times less funny.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

**rendered speechless**

i've sat here for 10 minutes trying to think of something witty and snarky to accompany this post, but... nothing.
just watch. and wait for the Rapture. that's all that can save us from a world of this...

...God help us...

Eat. Pray. Love. Poo. On this book.

This is going to make me unpopular, I know.

I haven't finished it yet. I'm trying to, but it's so difficult. You see, I'm just not...well...I'm just not enjoying the process of...reading it.

I think it's because I'd like to find a story about a path to self-discovery and spiritual enlightenment that I could actually afford to travel. I've been in the market recently for that—a path to self-discovery, I mean. Didn't realize it was such a high-end, luxury item. I can't really afford a personal healing trip around the globe right now. I can't even afford to go to Sonic in Anaheim which, with it's cheesy tater-tots, is a place where I think I could find real happiness.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Cliffy's Crusade.

If you find yourself visiting this blog (SIWAS is what I think they'll be calling it in a few months when they're linking to it on college humor because it becomes such a big hit and then I'm making a butt-load of money just from advertisers, and then I learn how to fly and adjust the brightness of the stars like I did in my very strange dream last night) and thinking "pootah pants are great, but what about East African genocide?", you should visit this blog right here and see what my brother has to say about it.