Monday, August 4, 2008

No thanks, Facebook.

Here's what I know about Facebook: It's what all the cool kids are doing. It's how all my friends from high school know what's going on in each other's lives without actually speaking to one another and then I feel like I'm a really bad friend but then I find out it's just because I don't have an account. And it's why some of my most removed friends communicate with my brother more than I do even though he's in Africa and he's my freaking brother. But that's really all I know about it.

Except that Mark Zuckerberg is not only a lucky bastard, but also kind of a presumptuous a-hole who stole a bunch of ideas and is getting a reputation for being super greedy in addition to being difficult to work with, just like every other Ivy League douche I've ever met.

So, I don't like Facebook. I don't have an account. I don't want an account. Sure, I was involved in MySpace, but I maintain that I was tricked into that. Plus, I had sole control over the pictures that people saw of me. That crap is important. I don't want some third-degree high school friend posting a wonk-eyed picture of me flaring my nostrils during my eye liner stage. No, sir. I demand complete control over my online persona. That's what the World Wide Interweb is for. Here, I can pretend to be as cool, as awesome and as kick-ass as I want. (All the Internet wants in return is my job...and the entire journalsim industry...and any hope I ever had of being an intrepid reporter like Brenda Starr
.) And I don't have to "friend" people to prove it.

These guys get me:


See?  Scrabble wasn't Zuckerberg's idea, either. He stole that one, too. Also, "Scrabulous" is a faggy name.

If this turns out to be an all-out war between us and them I'm with you, Tom from MySpace. You were my first friend, and I'll never forget you for that.


4 comments:

Rodney said...

do you know how pissed hil gets when i post pictures of her without her knowledge? you would have thought chernobyl happened in our backyard.

keep blogging gretta. this is great stuff.

Mike said...

MySpace is for teens, tweenies, and child stalkers. Facebook is for grownups.

Brittany said...

okay I keep up on your blog and rarely have time to comment, but this was brilliant. I totally agree with all of those sites. hate them, loathe them, want to blow them up. I loved out load with is a feat is every there was one considering I am so congested that slightly bending down throws my head into a throbbing headache, have been up since early this morning with my babe and the most exciting part of my day is that 2 people won cars on the price is right this morning--we do not have cabel...

6r08 said...

i don't know, Mike... people being able to scrawl embarrassing pictures and insults across my locker, without me being able to do a damned thing about it seems really junior high to me...