Friday, June 27, 2008

I wish EVERY night was sneaker night!!!

It's hard not to feel good about the future knowing that this is where it's headed.

Actual lyrics include: "So are you ready?/Did you eat?/Do you have the energy?.../Don't want you passing out/after a couple o' hours of beats"

Cause I remember this one time, I was at The Bay and it was literally like two beats and I was on the floor. Turns out, I hadn't eaten anything but Red Bull for, like, a month. Otherwise I would STILL be getting down with Vanessa and my ladies.

Jobs are for people who are too lazy for unemployment.

Fact: It's easier to get a job at The Pentagon than it is to get through to the California Unemployment Department. Just try to call them and get through to a real-live English speaking person. I dare you. And God help you if you need to change your mailing address.

That being said, I believe that anyone who successfully completes the process of filing an unemployment claim deserves a vacation. Which—if anyone asks—is what I'm doing.

While my sister was visiting last week, she asked me, "So, what do you do all day? Just chill?"

Which got me thinking.

Most days I wake up at the same time as Rob.  I make him a sandwich and keep him company until he leaves for work around nine. Then I remember that I have nowhere to go, which is almost unbearably depressing. After a couple good hours of emotional self-flagellation, I make my way to my job away from a job in the murky nether regions of the interweb, where I try to find out where they're hiding all the jobs. Some days, I go for a run, or more accurately, a walk, on account of I'm out of shape from the five weeks of bronchitis following six months of laziness.

Every once in a while I mix it up with a trip to the grocery store or laundromat. And so far, during my professional hiatus, I've read six novels and learned how to cook salmon. Kind of. So, as you can see, there isn't a lot of time to just chill. Unemployment is wicked hard work. I think I'm ready for something a little less demanding. Like...I don't know...a job.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Statement of Purpose

This isn't for you, OK? Yeah, that's right. You with the disposable free time and dangerous curiosity. It seems you might be in for a disappointment, long-lost middle school frenemies or would-be stalkers. This blog contains no wedding slideshows, no baby countdowns and no pictures of us getting fatter. Hopefully. Why? Because you can go to another site to see our wedding photos, and because we're not having a baby until they come wrapped in hundred dollar bills. Also, we don't want you to see the weight we've gained. It's shameful. 

This blog is for funny things and weird stuff so we can all be amused and horrified by the same random crap. Also, there may be an occasional Grob update. We're not sure. But there will definitely not be any "Things I'm Thankful for on a Tuesday" posts. Because those things are private, that's why. You don't need to know why we're grateful for baby wipes and Cort-aid. And stop trying to figure it out because it's not why you think it is.